i jhust puked up my retainher.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
