Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
