Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
