We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
