Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
