She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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