Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
