The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
