I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just high enough for therapy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
