yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
