i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
