Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
