my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
