Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
