Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
