i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
