Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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