Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
