Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
