your thong is hanging out like whoa
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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