i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
