White coat. Heels.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We just shotgunned beers for America
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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