I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
