yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
