do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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