Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
