Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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