Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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