Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
