We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
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He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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