I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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