my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
