I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
