Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Michael Bay diarrhea
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
