i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
