she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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