Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
