Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
