I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
