just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
How does it feel to date your dad?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
