oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
