my soul wont recognize me after tonight
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
