I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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