when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
