The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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