happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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