i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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