Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
