It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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