Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
