new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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