I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
