She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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