My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
