he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I take back everything I said about communal showers
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
