Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
