Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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