I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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