Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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