I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize