I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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