she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
