there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
