i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
