I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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