would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
