The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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