turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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