I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
