Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
