you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
