A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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