my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
